I've been quite depressed of late. It's a frustrating feeling, depression is. Every little thing seems like a personal slight, or like you're being left out, ignored... I don't like it. I've recently switched a med and I think it's playing with me, but it should all settle down soon.

I went for dinner tonight with Rick, after Heretic, which was very nice. We went to Squirrly's, a place he'd not been before, and I think he enjoyed it. He had their muscles and their special lasagna, and I had their cheesey escargot and a baked chicken breast stuffed with... Bacon ! For dessert I had their creme caramel and it was delicious. It was nice to see Rick. He is a wonderful man. *love*

I reserved my U-Haul for Saturday; it's a van this time, of eleven feet, rather than the 14' truck. There were no available trucks for Saturday. I also phoned Bell and got myself a phone line which will be hooked-up on Saturday, and then Nick can set about getting dsl for us. It's exciting. Part of me would like the ease of staying with Al and Carrie, who have both been wonderful landlords, but more parts of me want to be closer to downtown, and whatnot. Even though Al hides things (constantly hides things, like my umbrella, for instance) and Carrie takes my money in the form of rent, I have enjoyed living with them. Lots.

Here's something I want to do, though... learn to ride side-saddle. Whoa, that's out of the blue, right? Well, no, not entirely, since I've had the idea for some time now. I discovered, quite by accident while surffing sites about women's wedding fashions with Carrie, a link to female riding habit and was quite stunned when I found myself at the World Sidesaddle Federation, Inc. So, following the links, I looked through their certified instructors and fell upon the only person teaching in Ontario and she happens to teach just an hour or so outside of Toronto ! I emailed her and she seemed nice, so in April I will make a trip out to her stabble to check it out and hopefully I'll start taking some periodic lessons in May. I'd love to compete in dressage side-saddle, even if it's only at the most basic levels. Can you imagine the looks of stunned surprise? It strikes me as a good thing to work to in my future. And a keen way to spend my time.

Today is a sleepy day, and I don't just mean because I stayed awake much too late last night. It's rainy and dreary outside, cold and mucky grey. Sure, I looked snappy in my full length pleather coat, but let's face it, nasty rainy days, where the sky just opens up and drools on you, aren't nice. I like rain. This is not the kind of rain I warm up to.

I'm at the ROM today, big surprise, and so far, nothing eventful has happened for me to write about. This is just fine with me. I didn't end up doing much of any use yesterday, though I did do a political cartoon. I felt inspired. There had been intentions of visiting the consulate and making a couple of trips from storage to appartment, but ultimately, I decided I'd rather sit back in my chair and play on the computer. It was a mental health day.

I picked Rick up from work, though, and we took his presents back to his place and then went for Chinese at the restaurant right by his house. Sadly, the food did not sit well with me. That's the problem with restuarants that specialise in Americanised Chinese food: it's greasy, heavy, and runs right through.

Happy Two Year Anniversary, Rick. Okay, so it was yesterday, but I didn't get a chance to update. It was a lovely anniversary, even though the restaurant of our choice wasn't open. We went to the zesty little Indian place at Bathurst and Bloor. Very satisfying. He spent the night here and we exchanged gifts. I got the tickets to see Julius Caesar in April, and he was stunned by what I got him. A signed/numbered Brom piece, which I had framed (the part that I thought wasn't going to be ready in time), also a pictorial guide to LotR and finally, in his card were a pair of tickets to see Nick Cave. He was pleasantly stunned. It was lovely.

It's been a while since my last entry, and I have some trepidation that this entry might well make up for lost journal opportunities. Wait, don't go away, it will be interesting !

I should wish my mother a happy birthday, as it passed on the Ides of March. Of course, there is NOTHING exciting about the Ides of March as every month has one. Mostly they fall on the 13th of each month, with the exception of four months, including March, when it is on the 15th. Confusing, I know, but I'm sure there is very good literature out there about Ides, and it shouldn't be viewed with any worry or foreboding, as March's Ides was just one of a dozen. Oh, jolly fine luck, I just found a good summary site that can help anyone who is remotely interested in the Roman calendar. I am a geek. Go here for the Ides of March. Anyway, I digressed somewhat. Her birthday does indeed fall upon the historically and literally flaunted date, and it comes as no surprise that it happened again this year. I, with the help of Ray, cooked her dinner. I did a fantastic job, too, for one who does not cook. I made top striploin steaks on the indoor grill, steamed brocolli (sp?) in lemon water with sugar, melted romano cheese and butter over it, and a great big greek salad. Everything turned out fancy, especially the cider, which I made again, which was heartily enjoyed. Also, Mom'd requested the same maple-walnut cake that we'd gotten for Ray the week before, and so she was not disappointed. I gave her a card that made her cry, and a pair of reproduction Tang Dynasty horses. Ray gave her a card that made her laugh, and her favourite of his figure drawings. She was thrilled. We also rented and watched a most excellent film called Bride of the Wind, which is about - well, it's about love, life, and art. But it's a lot more than just that. See it.

That same day, I had a follow-up appointment with the doctor that I do not like so that she could discuss the things that the very wonderful Neurologist, Dr. Tovich, recommended. Certain things were put into place, and though she was trying to be pleasant, I'm afraid she did considerable harm to my opinion of her and I was merely civil. I also made a stop at the picket line outside the big MNR building on Water St so that I could bolster spirits and say hello to those I knew. I danced around and was silly. For information about the Peterborough picket as well as links to other strike-related webpages, for photos and fun, please visit this site for Local 362.

I am here going to pause in my chronological detailing of events, in order to tell a story. Actually, it's a dream that I had on Friday morning before I woke up. I wrote it down as soon as I found a pen, because it was so bizarre. Even my mother, who HATES hearing my dreams, and always has, had to admit that it was pretty interesting. It begins with me driving my car, perhaps not my Subaru, but a car that is mine, nonetheless. With me are Rick and Nick. We're heading somewhere, but Nick abruptly, and with monkey-like arm-flailing, tells me to stop the car because we must see one particular fancy painting that is hanging in a library. I pull up to the curb outside a library that looks an awful lot like the one I used to go to as a little girl, George Locke Library. On the inside, however; everything is quite unlike that, and much more like the inside of a museum. The lady behind the desk says we can't go in because the library's about to close, but that doesn't stop Nick or Rick who both take off inside and I am forced to quickly follow. Somewhere at this point, Rick disappears.

Finally, Nick leads us (I haven't yet realised that Rick is no longer with me) to the main room where the painting apparently hangs. The ceilings are ridiculously high, and there is art all over the vast walls, but we realise that the room is a massive sprawling tavern. And it's full of satyrs. There are some humans in the mix, but mostly it's all male and female satyrs drinking and rollicking. This is when I turn around and cannot find Rick. I scan the room with a mounting sense of panic. Satyr faces seem to pop up at me in every direction, laughing and grinning. Nick points to the spot where the painting should have been hanging, but only an outline made by decades of soot and dirt mark where the picture had hung. Nick says, "Maybe they take it down at night," by way of justifying it's absence. I try to tell Nick that Rick is missing, but just as he's about to reply, the crowd opens up and we stumble on Katie Allen (a girl I was never quite friends with in highschool) who is also a satyr. At first I don't notice that it is her, because she has small female goat horns and bizarre horns pointing down along her jawline, plus a goat beard. Amazingly, when I do realise it is her, I tell her that I didn't recognise her because her hair is so different.

In satyr-Katie's hand, tucked under her arm is a book, which she suddenly opens and it plays music - I think the Danse Macabre, by Saint-Saens, but I don't recall clearly. Once more, I begin to worry about Rick, and for a moment I think I can see him in the forest of human and satyr faces, but it is only a fleeting glance, and perhaps it wasn't him. I don't know. The whole scene in the tavern/library/museum is something out of a film - my mother said it sounded like a Cocteau film, but I don't know his work - as though filmed through a slightly yellow filter with quick camera cuts and long rotating pan shots. The satyrs all looked like they were wearing stage make-up from the 18th century, as well as matching clothes. It was fantastical !

A wirey red-haired satyr yells that the library is closing in five minutes (I think he might have said 'cinq minutes') and "Finish your drinks !" All the satyrs chug back their ales and beers as though they might never drink again. They butt heads and rub cheeks with each other, some of them pawing at my face, in a sort of goodbye. Then, utter pandemonium breaks loose as a piece of wall on either side of the room breaks free roughly mid-way along the long walls, and begins to slide closed barring exit from the tavern. It seems impossible to escape as satyrs flee into far corners and most of the humans try to escape through the steadily closing walls. I have to climb up a beer-soaked bar in order to get out, and Nick makes it up but tumbles down over the other side. People are pulling at me as they hoist themselves up and I am pretty certain I am going to be trapped. The wirey satyr sees my trouble and pulls me up onto the bar, steadying me. For the briefest moment, I see deep sorrow in his eyes, but then he turns away.

I try to scan the room again for Rick, calling out his name over and over, but I cannot see him. I think I might have started to cry. The same satyr whispers that I have to run, "get out ! Get away, NOW !" And hustles me off the bar, just as the wall closes behind me, trapping the remaining humans in with the satyrs. Guards start shooing us (I've at least found Nick, now) toward the entrance of the library. We stumble through the childrens' section of the library, and stop dead as we see Annabelle (another highschool personality) sitting against the wall, engrossed in the very same musical book that satyr-Katie had had.

Once outside, somehow I just know that Rick is still inside the library and my resolve firms up that I must get back inside to find him. It also seems that somehow, the missing painting has something to do with the satyrs (I'm not sure how I know, I suppose it's just a hunch). It is Nick who voices these very same thoughts and adds that he believes the musical book is the key to understanding the situation and saving(?) the satyrs. Here I woke up.

Perhaps when I've got some time, I'll draw some of it as I seem to have a crystal clear recollection of several of the scenes. It was very surreal and filmic, utterly engrossing, and when I awoke, I was left feeling very much like there had to be a Part Two.

Anyway, to finally wrap up my log for today, I'll talk about how I spent last night. Saturday night was a get together for the Realms of Despair (sort of like a quarterly mini-reunion) that is held at the Fox and Fiddle in the middle of beautiful Mississauga. That was supposed to be sarcasm. The get together was a real hoot. I got to meet Zyandra, who is the current Queen of the Drow on Realms, filling my shoes quite nicely, and so far she is probably the best leader the nation has had. It was wonderful to meet her ! Much eating, drinking, merriment, and dancing occurred, with Rick getting happily drunk, and me dancing until I hurt in many places I'd forgotten could hurt. Amazingly stupid photos were taken, and some that weren't (notably those taken by Zyandra). Zy was so quick about getting her pics up, that I can already provide a link. It was awesome fun, and lovely to see some familiar faces and have my butt kicked by Tical at darts. Twice. In a row. Anyway, just in case you don't know, I would be identified as Rhyl on Zyandra's page. We're talking character names, here, and Desidio would happen to be Rick.

Now, it's very late and I've been writing this for FAR too long. I'm tired and need to go to bed. I have a long day at the ROM tomorrow as well as my fancy two-year anniversary with Rick to celebrate tomorrow night. Woohoo ! Goodnight.